have been relentless in their effort to castrate Tiger Woods
People? People!!! Don’t act like you can’t hear me. It’s pretty hard to ignore The G-Man once he gets going. The United States of America is in a very, very bad state. I’m not referring to the recession, global warming or the war in Iraq or Afghanistan. I’m talking about the fact that we’ve become so goddamn transfixed by the lives of celebrities that we lose sight of the things that are vitally important. It’s absolutely incredible how callous, ignorant and insensitive we’re becoming as a nation, and I’ll bet our allies and enemies are having one hell of a laugh at our expense.
Everyone from the global media to fellow golfers has piled on Tiger Woods since admitting he cheated on his wife, and things only got worse after a bevy of skanks surfaced with claims that they also polished the legendary golfer’s “sand wedge”. Yes, I called them skanks because that’s just what the hell they are. Wake up, America! Don’t you find it odd that none of them had anything to say when they first hooked up with Woods or during the entire course of their alleged affairs? Oh, but the gold digging sluts slithered out of the woodwork once they saw an opportunity to shove the knife in his back, make money or get their 15-minutes of fame, didn’t they? Still, there were those who chastised Woods, abandoned him and kicked him when he was down. Tiger Woods messed up, big time, but he doesn't deserve to be raked over the coals.
These two-bit, money-grubbing banshees are more than deserving of the skank title, and the majority of people lusting for more information about Tiger’s indiscretions need to take a hard look in the mirror .…. so they can see the ugly staring back. They need to see how they’re being transformed into media zombies - whose thirst can only be quenched with the blood of a wounded Tiger. Well, for those of you who want to be saved from the hellish transformation, The G-Man has an antidote. It’s called the truth, and I’m about to shove the needle in even deeper!
Former basketball superstar Charles Barkley and filmmaker Spike Lee have publicly expressed concern for the safety of Woods. They believe all the negative media attention and lost endorsements could place the golfer in a suicidal state of mind. If it should come to this, heaven forbid, The G-Man would place all of the blame squarely on Rupert Murdoch and his toilet paper tabloid, “The New York Post”. Both have been relentless in their attempt to demean and castrate Woods. The proof is in the fact that they've lampooned him and the situation on every front cover since the story broke. In my humble opinion, Murdock and the Post editors are straight-up dicks! Yeah, I said it. Go ahead and sue my black ass.
I lost all respect for The Post when it published that despicable cartoon comparing President Obama to a chimp. The editorial staff's decision to publish a full-length photo of a 15-year-old girl as she lay bleeding on the sidewalk, after being struck in the head by a stray bullet, really pissed me off, too! To their credit, the New York Daily News published the same photo and only showed the facial expressions of the victim’s friends and relatives as they stood over her body. That is responsible journalism at its best! Now you have a pretty good idea as to why I only use the New York Post to wipe my ass.
There are two more things I want to say regarding the “Simpsonization” – as in O.J. Simpson - of Tiger Woods. There were pro-golfers who sought out the media in effort to bash Woods. They called him a phony, a liar and a con man. The G-Man doesn’t blame them. Hey, if I got my ass handed to me by Tiger Woods at every tournament I ever played in, I’d seek some form of revenge, too. Instead of bashing him like a bunch of little punks, they really need to shut the hell up! Lord knows, they all have probably done something in their lifetime to shame themselves and loved ones. The only difference is they were lucky not to have their dirt publicized. I want all of those pencil-necked golfing pros to do me a favor. Sit your plaid-Knickers-wearing, loud shirt sporting, 18-hole-playing asses down and suck on a bottle of Yoo-hoo! None of you are fit to carry Woods' golf shoes.
Secondly, the last time I checked, only one person was perfect enough to feed five thousand people with just fives loaves of bread and two small fish; turn water into wine and walk on water. No one on this planet is capable of such feats because we’re mere mortals. Moreover, as mere mortals, it is part of our DNA to fuck up every now and then. Why the hell do you think the term “I’m sorry” was invented? Hallmark and 1-800 FLOWERS have made billions from faithful and unfaithful people!
All of the advertisers that are bailing on Woods are publicly saying they want a perfect human being as their spokesperson. Excuse me!!!! You stuffed shirts at Accenture and other Fortune 500 companies can’t be that damn stupid; not when some of you may have cheated on your tax returns or banged your hot-ass secretary - like a screen door caught in a hurricane - on those extended business trips. Folks, did you hear the collective gasp of every well-to-do housewife in America that read the previous line? They're not stupid. They know what time it is. I'll go as far as to say that some of the execs that dumped Woods may have spent time in jail or did a stint in rehab. My point is everybody has skeletons lurking in the closet, so let’s not fool ourselves or treat Woods like he's the worst person on the planet.
Thanks to each corporate sponsor's asinine, knee-jerk reaction to the scandal, they lost sight of the fact that Woods has also done some major good through his charitable work and within the Professional Golfers Association. The sponsors and ad execs drank the nasty Kool-Aid that the Jim Jones media loves to serve up, and they ended up throwing the baby out with the bath water. They were wrong to do that. Tigers are fast becoming an endangered species all over the world, and given his rare and amazing contribution to the sport of golf, this Tiger, flaws and all, should also be preserved and protected.
Photo source: Rupert Murdoch - World Economic Forum Annual Meeting Davos 2007
Copyright World Economic Forum (www.weforum.org) swiss-image.ch